St. Joseph, the original Navy Seal

I was struggling with a lot of anger this past week over a blogger who relentlessly attacks everyone I know. He uses every accusation he can find (no matter how ridiculous) and spreads rumors all over the place. He viciously attacks and mocks everyone who attempts to support those of us seeking emotional healing and reduction of SSA. His beliefs and approach seem identical to Wayne Besen's blog, but this guy claims to be a "Christian Professor" and people mistakenly believe he is on our side so they forward links to his blog all over the place. 

I feel some Shame though because I erupted in anger when someone emailed me with a link to his blog. I wasn't so much angry about his latest attacks (mocking my friends Arthur and Alan at JONAH), but I was furious that people think he still on our side and then use him as a source. I dropped a lot of really important things especially tasks for ministry work (providing encouragement and affirmation to my friends in need). I instead focused my energy on arguing with him (which was NOT on my to-do list for that day). Not only was it a waste of time, it was potentially counter-productive to the ministry work to the individuals that God has placed in my path.

"Man's anger does not accomplish God's righteousness" - James 1:20

 In our local Courage chapter, a therapist here in Dallas / Fort Worth has started leading us in a program he developed called "St. Joseph's Workshop."

This past week we had our first section and part of the process/discussion focused on the manly virtues demonstrated by St. Joseph during the events we commemorate in Christmas. Obviously as a foster-father to God, he had a lot of responsibility.

The part that stood out to me was in Matthew's gospel with the Flight into Egypt (Matthew 2:1-12). The discussion question was:

"What manly virtues did St. Joseph demonstrate in the 'Flgiht into Egypt' (Matt 2) and how does that relate to my life?"

I had never thought of it in terms of myself being in St. Joseph's place, but I realized what MY impulse would be if an angel appeared to me and told me that soldiers were coming to kill all of the children.  

My instinct as man would be to grab a sword and run out to try to STOP the soldiers - knowing that I'd probably die in the process, "but at least I did SOMETHING!"

I remember how I felt when I first heard of the CT school shooting and I cannot imagine what St. Joseph went through - being told AHEAD of time that something like that would happen and then be told he could not do anything to stop it. I cannot imagine having to just "RUN."

I seem to have an inclination to try to "fix what is wrong with the World" and I can easily get distracted by big political events and /or useless arguments about big political events. There is a part of me that just wants to "FIGHT the good fight" and even be a "martyr" for cause of justice. That's the raw emotional response in how I reacted to the blogger last week.

"There are many who would eagerly be martyred in front of the astonished gaze of thousands, but will not bear the pinpricks of daily life with a cheerful spirit, but think! Which is more heroic?"  - St. Josemaría Escrivá (founder of Opus Dei)

When I got asked last month to be on the Dr. Oz show (http://www.doctoroz.com/episode/gay-straight-controversial-therapy), at first I really wanted to go and argue for the truth, but God seemed to be telling me "NO."  I am glad that others were called to fight that fight, but it was clear that for one reason or another God didn't want ME to do this particular program.

In Matthew 2:1-12, St. Joseph was given very specific instructions to take Mary and the baby Jesus and RUN.  If he had acted in any other way or tried to handle things his OWN way (like I'm so inclined to do), he would not have fulfilled the mission God called him to do.

St. Joseph's mission in life was very much like a Navy Seal. He had to sneak past enemy lines and ignore the big explosions and fighting all around him. He had to stay the course, have courage and faith - AND focus on the one specific task he was given - even while it may have seemed like the enemy was winning big glorious battles right in front of him.

Since I came back into the Church and surrendered my life to Christ, there have been many occasions where the Holy Spirit has led me to specific people and places where I've had the privilege of participating in HIS harvest and seeing soul's revived and lives transformed (ONE at a time). Sometimes the mission is just to plant seeds, but I can still seem to tell when I have accomplished the mission and when I have NOT.

I have to learn to daily surrender to God's will and trust the Holy Spirit to lead me where I need to go. It's just really hard though to have to see the enemy win his seemingly spectacular battles (politics, the media, etc.) and knowing that I CAN'T fight those battles and can't fix the World in aggregate. Sometimes it is painful to obey and accept that I can't save everyone. It is hard to trust and let go of my OWN will. However, I know that staying focused on the "little things" and obeying his voice, keeps me rooted in HIM and through HIM my small efforts will bear fruit. 

Text from last night: "Fallen in Love"

A few weeks ago, a guy came to our meeting who had recently come into the church and seemed to be struggling emotionally. I talked with him afterward about his journey and the various opportunities for support and healing. He seemed interested, but not fully committed. Last night (around midnight), I was in bed when I woke up too see a text from him saying  "I've fallen in love with someone who loves me back for the first time."  

Divine Appointment "in the Gayberhood"

I had a really interesting (challenging, but rewarding) experience last night with my guys' bible study group.
(this is the group I mentioned before where we shot the propane tank with the AK 47 on our last retreat: see video here: http://youtu.be/QeTz8efOoEc).

Most of the guys are evangelical protestant. I'm probably the only Catholic in the group, but we've gotten along pretty well. Last night, my friend Jason was leading and he started talking about this concept called "Divine Appointments." It's a bit of Charismatic thing I guess, but mostly it required more boldness than anything else.

He started by asking us to pray for a while and listen for God to speak and to reveal one person to each of us that we needed to pray for or talk to that night.

Then he told us first to ask God to reveal to us a place / location and to write down the first thing that came to mind. At first I saw this cafe in my head, but I kept telling myself "no" because it's in the gay part of town and I KNEW God wouldn't want me going there.

Then Jason said:

"The 1st voice you hear is God's voice. The 2nd voice is you trying to talk yourself out of what you heard from God and the 3rd voice is Satan trying to convince you that you were right and that couldn't have been from God." 

So, I went ahead and reluctantly wrote down "Cafe Brazil in Oaklawn."

Then we were supposed to write down anything that came to mind about a person. I thought of someone wearing a "white sweater, blue jeans and white tennis shoes" - so I wrote that down. Then I thought "No person in Oaklawn would be caught dead wearing THAT!...hello, fashion police?!"  ;)

Anyway, I wanted to scratch it all out, but I left it alone

When everyone was finished and we ended up splitting into small groups and getting into cars to go find the persons we had described and pray with or evangelize them. I was really nervous and freaked out - leading two of my non-SSA friends (who didn't yet know about MY SSA) right into Dallas's GAYberhood. I hadn't been there myself in over a year and it's always a place where people are Lewd, Crude, and Socially Unacceptable (24 hours a day!)

We got there and I started saying "Let's go to a DIFFERENT Cafe Brazil" I'm sure it can't be this one!" but my friends said "NO! We're going here first. It's what YOU wrote down." 

We walked up and there was a guy standing right in the doorway wearing a white sweatshirt, blue jeans, and white tennis shoes.I could tell he was SSA and I froze up.

Jason asked "Is that him? Is that your guy?"