“God loves you more than any dude will ever love you."

When I was High School and College, a magazine called "XY" was extremely appealing to me. The magazine was filled with "eye-candy." It was basically soft-core porn, but it also portrayed gay "couples" my age in very romanticized ways that seemed at the time to speak to my deepest wounds and longings. I used to seek out the magazine every time I went to Barnes and Noble and browse it in awe. 

In retrospect, my experience was similar to that of Madam Bovary in Flaubert's novel who bought into to the FALSE "love" of romanticism. A narcissistic self-serving endless cycle of increasing desperation. The images and articles glorified the concept of "gay relationships" and the idealization of this homoerotic attraction as a form of "love."  (See my other blog post from 1/7/13: "What is Love?") It also included plenty of propaganda articles about the "Christian Right" and others (like Pope John Paul II) who allegedly were "filled with hate" for "people like us" because they wanted more for people with the homosexual condition than simply these shallow "relationships."

Michael Glatze, left

One of the main writers for XY at the time was Michael Glatze (pictured on the Left in this picture with Ben his "boyfriend" at the time). It has been a long time now since I've looked for that magazine. I found out recently though, that Michael turned his life over to Christ and left the gay lifestyle. Here is the story of his conversion published by Worldnet Daily on 7/3/2007:   'Gay'-rights leader quits homosexuality and a more detailed account: http://www.wnd.com/2007/07/42385/

Dr. Joseph Nicolosi has followed up with Michael several times and they recently published this interviews: 2007 interview: http://narth.com/docs/glatze.pdf
 Michael Glatze: Two Year Follow-up (2009)

Back from the BEYOND (Journey Beyond)

I really appreciate your prayers this past week while I was at "Journey Beyond" the advanced program for "Journey into Manhood" (JiM) grads. All I'll say for now is that I just returned from the most AMAZING ssa-healing experience ever! God made his presence known in a POWERFUL way the past 6 days. It was a major healing experience for all of us.

I cried (gallons) non-stop for four full days and then again last night when I got home. About 1/3 of that was crying with and for others. I felt so attuned to their wounds that I probably cried more for them than I did when it was my turn. My whole face covered in snot - it was nasty. ;)

Another 1/3 of the crying was a "draining of the swamp" for experiences and losses I should have grieved 15-20 years ago. I had a lot of support from the brothers there when re-experiencing that. Another 1/3 of the crying though was tears of absolute JOY!
I can definitely understand now why they didn't let me go last year. I would NOT have been prepared to handle it in a healthy way a year ago. I felt like I and the others were well supported though when we had to face our issues.

During one particular process I was able to see and experience God walking with me through all of the dark moments of my past -the worst of the wounds and the worst of my sins. The times in my life where I felt I was the farthest from God. It seems like he shined a brilliant light into those dark places (I could see even the dark rooms I had been in back then being lit up with a blinding light. Nothing was secret, but everything was being restored. I really experienced first hand the way He has been able to use those bad experiences for good and for fulfilling the work that He has for me to do in affirming others and leading others to Him and walking with them in their healing.

ABC Nightline - decision

This is an email I sent to my CRHP team at church on September 29th, but refrained form posting online until after the story aired on ABC Nightline.I'm posting it online now that the story has aired. :)
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From: Jeremy@_____
Sent: Wednesday, September 29, 2010 1:38 PM
To: ____@yahoogroups.com
Subject: ABC Nightline interview - Prayer Request

This is still kind of awkward and embarrassing to explain via email, but I'll try my best. Those who know my CRHP witness (from a few years ago) know that I've benefited a lot from the Catholic group called "Courage" - http://www.couragerc.net/, which helps people with the homosexual condition live chaste lives in accordance with our Catholic faith.

There is another program (which is endorsed by Courage) that I have also been very involved with this past
 year called "Journey into Manhood" or (JiM). It's a challenging psychology-based program that addresses the underlying root causes of homosexuality and it has had tremendous help to me in completing the recovery and reversal of this condition.

A few months ago, ABC Nightline approached People Can Change, the program's founder about doing a story. He asked for advice from all of us and several of us urged him to do it. After talking with the Producer, reviewing some of the past Nightline programs and talking with a media consultant, Rich decided that in this particular case there was a good chance we would get a fair presentation of our cause.

They decided to re-enact part of a weekend with past participants and allow ABC to film the experience. They wanted to interview one participant on camera and follow him through the entire experience (showing the program through his eyes). My friend Pret (Preston) volunteered for this role. He and his wife Megan prayerfully considered it and decided to go forward.

Twelve of us met at a retreat center near Houston to re-enact the weekend for Nightline's cameras. We all fasted and prayed for several days. Originally (with the exception of Preston), we were ALL going to have our faces blurred and voices disguised.  However, Friday night in the cabin, 2 of my friends and I had a chance to talk away from the cameras.

We were discussing our frustration about how effective the other side seems to be in getting their message across. They seem to have the whole world convinced now that living a gay lifestyle is genetic, unchangeable, and even "healthy." All of us know now from our own personal experience that the opposite is true. In the past though, we had believed their message and this kept us trapped in self-destructive sin for a long time. My friend Ty said "Well, they are not afraid to show their faces and we are."  I thought "Ok, well let's change the subject then." (I didn't like where the conversation was going;).

The Holy Spirit must have had a different idea though. That night three of us decided individually that our fear of NOT getting the message out was far more significant than our fear of any potential consequences from being seen on TV. The next morning the three of us told the ABC producer that we would allow our faces to be shown and fully support Preston.

I was still terrified of the idea. For a while I actually thought I could just passive-aggressively keep away from the cameras or stay far enough back that I wouldn't really be noticed. I figured at first that even though I was going to allow my face to be seen that I could still be just like a movie extra and no one would really pay attention or notice me on TV. At first, whenever I wanted to speak up I tried to time it for the brief moments when the camera was off (when they were changing tapes). As the day went on though I became more aware of Christ's presence and He gave me a lot of courage.

In the end the 4 of us did a group interview on camera. I was able to speak authentically and answer some pointed questions. They asked if I was just "suppressing my true self." I was rather passionate in explaining that I was far more "suppressed" back when I was in the gay lifestyle because that was NEVER who I really was or what God had created me for.  My life has been infinitely better in every way shape and form since I turned to Christ and began pursuing His will for my life.

For some reason I felt fearless during that interview. Ever since though I've been a lot more nervous. I know the program will probably create some negative backlash from the opposing side, but I'm not sure if any of that will affect me personally. I haven't really told anyone about it other than in vague reference. (For some reason it was so much easier just talking to the 'nice lady with a camera').

They filmed us for 14 hours. No matter how they edit it, there will be parts that will embarrass and humiliate me. A priest from Courage explained to me though that even in a worse case scenario "God's work will still succeed even if the rest of the world sees it as a failure." The mission for this program is the souls that will be reached even if the rest of the spectators do not understand it.

Anyway, I'd really appreciate your prayers. I really hope this turns out well and gets the message out to those who really need to hear it. I know they will show the other side also, but I hope they give us a fair presentation.  This will air on ABC Nightline sometime in the next 2-6 weeks (not sure when yet). The audience is about 1.5 million people.

Pax Christi,
Jeremy

"Lucky for me no one I know reads your little TIME magazine...or whatever it's called."  - Derek Zoolander

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 Update: The program aired on Monday November 22nd and they cut out our group interview (so I was only seen a few times in the background which was a relief:)