Three of my old Gay friends are choosing Christ

Wow!
In the last two days, I've received calls from TWO guys that I used to know when I was in the gay lifestyle. Both called to look for help in getting OUT of it. One of them met with a Christian counselor tonight and the other one is checking out the NARTH and Courage websites right now.

I also found out last year that one other guy I had dated (briefly back in 2003) has also left the gay lifestyle through an Exodus International ministry. God is AWESOME!

Pax Christi,
Jeremy

Learning to (really) LOVE - a slow process for me

I got an email last week from a guy who seemed at first like he just wanted to argue with me. I ended talking with on the phone and after a few minutes I really wanted to hang up. He was throwing out arguments about "gay love" and gay-marriage etc.

In the past, I would have struggled with wanting to believe those arguments. Now, they just make me angry. I guess a lot of that anger comes from my own emotional wounding. It's difficult to separate that though and not unleash that on someone else. 

I also get frustrated because I really want to show compassion, but I also believe in Absolutes and absolute truth. It is not compassion to withhold important Truths and/or to endorse someone's destruction based on political correctness. To me, when a friend says that they are "happy" about their newest "gay relationship" it is the same as a heroin addict telling me that they are "happy" that they got their latest "fix."  What am I supposed to say? "That's great! I'm happy for you?"  I am saddened and worried for them.

I started asking him more pointed questions and guide the conversation toward his core emotions and wounds. He resisted at first, but more and more he started opening up and expressing his anger, then sadness, and grief. He was in a gay relationship that just ended last week (the day he decided to contact me). He was still holding out hope that the illusion of "gay love" was real and he seemed really angry at me for insisting that it does NOT exist and that homosexuality destroys love. 

I didn't let go of my position or assent to his, but I resisted the urge to argue as well. I just kept asking questions about HIM and HIS feelings and encouraged him to focus on that for now ("and we can talk about religion and politics later"). 

Without arguing, I found a few opportunities to gently point out that what I was hearing him say was that he wanted real love. He grew up in a Christian home and even briefly visited a local ex-gay ministry.

I pointed out to him that REAL love from our mutual religious background is described in 1 Corinthians 13 as:  

"patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, it is not proud. does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs,does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I couldn't restrain myself from blurting out though that these adjectives are the POLAR opposite of every gay relationship I ever saw in 12 years. Not because the individuals were bad, but the relationship themselves were based on each person's emotional disorder. 

I prayed and fasted for him (and myself) for two days. I listened to his anger and ranting; while praying and restraining my own reactions. I wanted to show him REAL LOVE and avoid judgement. I have no room to judge anyone. I was in the same trap for 12 years. I just want him to see the truth and avoid making the same mistakes I made. 

After two days of hearing his anger (which seemed directed at me at first, but then seemed to lessen), he went to grief and sadness. 
He texted me saying:  

"I really just need to cry." 

I called him and encouraged him to go into that grief (something he usually tries to avoid).

He seemed to get a lot better the next day. He said he has decided that he really wants his relationship to God to be more important, but said he wasn't sure if he was ready to let go of his "need" for a romantic relationship with a guy. He seemed to be really aware that his boyfriend's "love" was the polar opposite of 1 Corinthians 13. 

On Sunday night two JiM brothers invited me to meet them at a restaurant near here. After describing this situation to them, I texted him and invited him to join us. I had explained to him about Journey into Manhood and the groups I lead on Sunday afternoons called M.A.N.S. meetings (Masculinity, Authenticity, Need Fulfillment, and Surrender), but I think he forgot that I had said these were JiM bros.

After they left, he said it was the first time he has "felt comfortable relating to a group of straight guys.” He had no idea that they were SSA. (I thought it was funny that they jammed his Gaydar). He seemed amazed when I explained that they friends from JiM. He seems to be really grasping the concept that real change and growth is possible.

Please keep my friend in your prayers. Also, please pray that I will learn to show REAL love and compassion to others without judging them, but also being authentic with objective Truth. I still have a lot of learning and growth ahead of me before I can be a good instrument for conveying God's love.

Pax Christi,

Jeremy

New Survey Finds Therapy to Reduce Homosexuality Can Be Effective, Beneficial

Here (below) are the results of a survey that I participated in last week. There were about 500 of us across 19 countries. I realize everyone's personal needs and goals are a little bit different and in the past many SSA programs or ministries have failed to see that. I think that really has changed a lot though in recent years. Here is a great summary called "What We Mean by Change" http://peoplecanchange.com/change/whatwemean.php

Pax Christi,
Jeremy

August 30, 2012  New Survey Finds Counseling to Reduce Homosexuality Can Be Effective, Beneficial CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA -- In a new survey of almost 500 people who have ever sought professional counseling to lessen unwanted homosexual attractions, more than half (55%) said the counseling was effective in causing the frequency and intensity of their homosexual attractions to diminish. And seven out of 10 said they were either satisfied (25%) or very satisfied (46%) with their counseling experience.

My video in Polish

A lady in POLAND emailed me on Monday asking for information on RT and JiM. I sent her a few links, but I wasn't sure why she was asking

I found out that she translated the my YouTube video into POLISH and added subtitles along with a few other clips to make a SUPPORTIVE video for others in Poland. Here is her video: http://youtu.be/OU5zsvJGOFs  (I really don't like the title they came up with, but understand what they were trying to say.) 

My original video: http://youtu.be/w1_pBLuBEgw

Pax Christi,
Jeremy

"You're just bothering people. No one wants to hear from You!"

Last September, I started writing to church pastors and christian counselors about my own experiences in coming out of the "gay lifestyle" and I included information on ministries in their area (like the Courage Apostolate or Exodus International affiliate) as well as other resources in their area (like JiM weekends, Courage Sports Camp, and Adventure in Manhood) 

I started out writing them all by hand, but then started printing them so I could get them out faster. I still hand-address all of them though. Some of the called me to tell me they didn't know of anyone in their church who struggled with homosexuality, but that they would keep the information handy for the future. (I told them they should just start asking people. j/k ;)

So far, I've sent about 620 letters and I still feel like I should keep writing, but I have a lot of doubts and fears about how these are being received and IF I'm even doing any good or just wasting a lot of money and time. I have a lot of doubts about whether this was the right thing to do or if I was just freaking people out by writing them about THIS issue and even telling them my testimony (3-sentence high-level summary). I didn't specifically ask anyone to respond to me so it's ok that I haven't heard from most of them, but I have a hard time not telling myself stories about what they must be thinking. 

I got a few negative responses last week and another one today. One pastor in Rhode Island seemed really angry with me and emailed me to say:  

"You need to get a life! Don't ever contact me again!" 

“God loves you more than any dude will ever love you."

When I was High School and College, a magazine called "XY" was extremely appealing to me. The magazine was filled with "eye-candy." It was basically soft-core porn, but it also portrayed gay "couples" my age in very romanticized ways that seemed at the time to speak to my deepest wounds and longings. I used to seek out the magazine every time I went to Barnes and Noble and browse it in awe. 

In retrospect, my experience was similar to that of Madam Bovary in Flaubert's novel who bought into to the FALSE "love" of romanticism. A narcissistic self-serving endless cycle of increasing desperation. The images and articles glorified the concept of "gay relationships" and the idealization of this homoerotic attraction as a form of "love."  (See my other blog post from 1/7/13: "What is Love?") It also included plenty of propaganda articles about the "Christian Right" and others (like Pope John Paul II) who allegedly were "filled with hate" for "people like us" because they wanted more for people with the homosexual condition than simply these shallow "relationships."

Michael Glatze, left

One of the main writers for XY at the time was Michael Glatze (pictured on the Left in this picture with Ben his "boyfriend" at the time). It has been a long time now since I've looked for that magazine. I found out recently though, that Michael turned his life over to Christ and left the gay lifestyle. Here is the story of his conversion published by Worldnet Daily on 7/3/2007:   'Gay'-rights leader quits homosexuality and a more detailed account: http://www.wnd.com/2007/07/42385/

Dr. Joseph Nicolosi has followed up with Michael several times and they recently published this interviews: 2007 interview: http://narth.com/docs/glatze.pdf
 Michael Glatze: Two Year Follow-up (2009)

Back from the BEYOND (Journey Beyond)

I really appreciate your prayers this past week while I was at "Journey Beyond" the advanced program for "Journey into Manhood" (JiM) grads. All I'll say for now is that I just returned from the most AMAZING ssa-healing experience ever! God made his presence known in a POWERFUL way the past 6 days. It was a major healing experience for all of us.

I cried (gallons) non-stop for four full days and then again last night when I got home. About 1/3 of that was crying with and for others. I felt so attuned to their wounds that I probably cried more for them than I did when it was my turn. My whole face covered in snot - it was nasty. ;)

Another 1/3 of the crying was a "draining of the swamp" for experiences and losses I should have grieved 15-20 years ago. I had a lot of support from the brothers there when re-experiencing that. Another 1/3 of the crying though was tears of absolute JOY!
I can definitely understand now why they didn't let me go last year. I would NOT have been prepared to handle it in a healthy way a year ago. I felt like I and the others were well supported though when we had to face our issues.

During one particular process I was able to see and experience God walking with me through all of the dark moments of my past -the worst of the wounds and the worst of my sins. The times in my life where I felt I was the farthest from God. It seems like he shined a brilliant light into those dark places (I could see even the dark rooms I had been in back then being lit up with a blinding light. Nothing was secret, but everything was being restored. I really experienced first hand the way He has been able to use those bad experiences for good and for fulfilling the work that He has for me to do in affirming others and leading others to Him and walking with them in their healing.

"I Thirst for You!"

I'm working on a talk that I'm giving to my "Knights of Columbus" council tomorrow night on the book "Be a Man" by Fr. Larry Richards.

Anyway, I just ran across an AWESOME video and thought you might like it:

Pax Christi,
Jeremy

Fr. Check on EWTN

 

Here is an interview with Fr. Check, the Director of the COURAGE Apolstolate, Fr. Check on EWTN. He talks about our "Sports Camp" around the 39min mark.  He was on my team for Baseball, Football, and Basketball.

Reply to my old gay bible study group

Last week, I got an email from an old friend in the bible study group that I used to attend with my ex-partner, Tim until about six months ago. His email was about my choice to leave the gay lifestyle. 

He said he feared I was being "brainwashed." His email really upset me. I wanted to respond immediately, but knew I shouldn't at that moment. I finally calmed down and wrote this response (below): 
 
----------------------------------------------------------------
Hi ______,

I appreciate your email and concern. I care about you and the rest of the men in the group as well. As I mentioned I never intended to sound judgmental or critical of anyone else. I realize that different churches have varying views on the morality of homosexuality. There MAY be several ways of interpreting the Hebrew in Leviticus or the Greek words in Romans. I don't really know. In the past I used to get bogged down in that and I had a lot uncertainty and doubt.

My decision this past year wasn't really about that specific issue though. I remember hearing once that "sin is a failure to love." At first I thought that was a watered down perspective, but I think it might be accurate.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."  - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Over this past several years I've realized that I only feel homosexual feelings (romantic or physical) when I feel inadequate in my own sense of self or masculinity and/or when I perceive that another guy has the qualities (personality or physical) that I feel that I lack. It is impossible for me to be attracted to another male or female person (romantically or physically) without first seeing them as an Opposite of myself. Since I am undeniably a Man (biologically and psychologically), attraction to another Man first requires a lot of insecurity about myself as well as a lot of false hopes and illusions about what the connection with the other Man will somehow provide. 

From my own experience I can see that ALL of my previous homosexual relationships (or encounters) started with me first feeling hopeless, jealous, envious, and distrusting, and then impatiently (and desperately) self-seeking my own end to the detriment of the other Man. This was usually followed by a false pride/boasting to cover up the emptiness that followed. The exact opposite of 1 Cor 13.

Regardless of how anyone spins Leviticus or Romans, THAT is sin. It is NOT Love. It is the exact opposite of Love in ever way shape or form.

You mentioned that you didn't believe me when I said "I didn't love Tim" and that you could tell I had feelings involved.  What I meant is that I FAILED to love him. I wanted to and even tried really hard to, but the homosexual feelings got in the way. I can only speak for myself and I have no room to judge or condemn anyone else, but I know with certainty I cannot Love someone and pursue a homosexual relationship with them at the same time. For me, those are mutually exclusive things.

I had strong romantic feelings for Tim, but those were barriers to Love. They were not Love in and of themselves because they were not oriented toward Tim's best good. They were geared toward filling voids in myself that no other human being can meet in the first place. Even though we will never see each other in person again, I have more real Love for Tim now than ever before. I pray for him every day and fast/pray for him often. I pray that God will heal his wounds (including those that I inflicted through my sin and selfishness).

You mentioned that you thought I was "over-selling" my current state of happiness. I appreciate your concern on that, but I really am happier than I've ever been in my life. I did not mean to imply though that everything is easy or perfect now. There are challenges and difficult days, but things are still infinitely better than ever before. Sometimes they are harder than before. It used to seem so much easier to believe the demonic lies about myself and believe I was inadequate or flawed and then suppressing my true self and looking for some other man to be a man For Me.

I still feel the inadequacy and insecurities that have driven my homosexual challenges in the past, but not nearly as often. When I do, I find it much harder now to even begin to believe the lies that used to make homosexuality a temptation. It's about 20% of what they used to be.

Sometimes that makes situations harder to deal with in the short-term. I was so used to using homosexuality to medicate and numb out everything. It is a lot harder to face things head on, but I've noticed whenever I do, I tend to grow a lot more and get a lot stronger from it. That usually builds my confidence and enables me to see that I wasn't less of a man after all.

Over the past six months, I've been drawing more and more closer to Jesus and he has been increasing my capacity to give and receive real Love. The more real Love I have in my life the less and less I feel defined by homosexuality, the "gay" label, or even the "ex-gay" label.

I don't see any evidence that homosexuality is an "orientation" on its own. Looking at my own body and others, I can see that it was just a distortion of it. Regardless I don't see any reason to define myself by it anymore. Even if the remnants of it were to remain till I die, it still wouldn't be worth forming a separate identity or label out of it.

I have to admit I was a little offended by the "brainwashing" comment, but I realize you didn't mean it in a hostile way. The only person who has That much influence over me is Jesus and I WANT him to brain-wash me...and wash my Heart and everything else.:)

I start most days now with 6am mass at a catholic church near my house. I go to a non-denominational Bible study group on Tuesday nights that is not ex-gay related. The guys in my Bible study group have been Awesome in helping me stay accountable to break the addiction of porn and other bad influences online, but they were only helping me to reach a goal that I set for myself. They didn't initiate that work. I ASKED them for help and I bought software that enabled transparency for that process.